It’s not easy for me to admit this but having confidence and a positive body image has always been something I’ve struggled with. I’m not sure of the exact root of the problem but I remember staring at my body in the mirror for hours, at an age where I shouldn’t have even been noticing my appearance, and hating it. At school I would get distracted and compare my body to the girls around me and wish I looked like them. (in hindsight this may have also had a little to do with the fact that I was gay lolz). Rather than just appreciating their beauty I felt inferior and would get so upset that I didn’t have what they had. It was such a silly concept though because there wasn’t even a specific body type I was envious of, I found literally every single other girl so flawless and perfect no matter how different they were, so why couldn’t I embrace myself?
I suffered from severe asthma as a child and because of this, had to take steroids which caused weight gain. Being a bit chubby right before and during puberty was a pretty big blow to my confidence. I refused to wear a two piece bathing suit for years and started to develop social anxieties anytime I didn’t feel comfortable in my clothing. As I got older, my asthma got better and I was able to be more active and stop the medication. My body changed and I got healthier and more fit. I wish I could say I instantly felt confident but that just wasn’t the case. I continued to see myself as that chubby girl and developed a terrible relationship with food. It felt like my weight and what I looked like were constantly on my mind no matter what. It completely consumed me.
I was constantly researching food, diets, workout plans…anything! I became obsessed with finding the perfect solution and thought that it would solve all my problems. I had this silly idea that if I had the perfect body then I would some how instantly be happy…but here’s the thing, looking a certain way will never bring you happiness. You have to find the happiness first. Within the past few years I have worked to mend my relationship with food and with myself. I’ve learned how to understand what my body wants and needs and how to properly take care of it. Our bodies do so much for us, it’s just not fair to abuse them with our negative words.
It’s okay to want to improve yourself in any way you see fit but self love shouldn’t be contingent on having your ideal physical appearance. You have to work from the inside out. I know that sounds super cheesy but it is 100% fact. You have to get your mind right and your body will follow suit. If you simply focus on waiting to love yourself until you look the way you look, you will never reach it. You will always find ‘imperfections’ and things you’d like to change if you go about it in that way.
So here’s where I challenge all of you to start loving yourself now and embracing every uniqueness. What is something about your appearance that you are constantly tearing yourself down for? Got it? Now thank that part of your body for all it does for you. Show it some love! Let those words of affirmation sink in and stop being so dang hard on yourself! I’ll do it too…
Check out my video below to hear me discuss this topic more and hear what part of my body I show some love to!