This is going to be a rant that I probably won’t proofread (who am I kidding I never do) and might not make a whole lot of sense but I think I need to write my thoughts in order to feel better.
Today I have had extreme anxiety and haven’t been able to manage it well. This isn’t going to be a post about how to feel better when you have it and honestly sharing my thoughts may induce others anxieties so I won’t be offended it you stop reading here.
If you’re still reading, thanks.
Lately I have been having this horrible feeling of working my absolute ass off yet somehow feeling like I’m not doing enough. I don’t mean with actual work but with life in general. I just don’t feel like I’m doing it right. Which is ridiculous, and I know this, but I can’t help feeling it. I just keep getting so angry with myself for not doing things sooner, or better, or anything. I am getting upset for being so hard on myself but as soon as I feel that way I get upset that I’m giving myself too much slack. I know life is all about balance but I feel like my scales are constantly tipping over and I can’t seem to find a happy medium.
Everything is making me feel overwhelmed. Normal daily life things and just simply being an adult is feeling impossible. Showering seems like an impossible task. I don’t know if this is being caused by having a lot of other things going on in my life but it’s honestly scaring me.
It’s just so confusing because this isn’t typically how I am. I love being busy,….
(side note: the universe just played a sick joke on me and I lost the second half of what I wrote so from here to the bottom will be me re-writing my rant which feels impossible right now)
anyways, where was I?
I love being busy, I love working hard, I love challenges. So this is making me feel like I’m not myself. It’s making me feel so lost and confused and like I don’t even know who I am.
I’m also such a rational person so feeling this “dramatic” is only upsetting me more. I know I’m being ridiculous and the things I’m thinking and feeling aren’t right but I just can’t stop. And I know this feeling is temporary. I’ll wake up tomorrow and feel completely fine, but right now it feels like I’ll always feel this way.
Well, I hope some of you can relate actually I wish none of you could because I don’t ever want anyone else to feel this way but unfortunately I’m sure some of you do.
Hopefully I can write a follow up post soon about how I found the greatest ways to overcome this and manage my anxiety when it gets this intense.